Chains are Broken: Redux

Since coming out of the fog in 2004  some things have become clearer and clearer to me so I want to set the record straight.  When I wrote this apology letter to you, my children, there is still an element of “blaming” the woman for provoking male lust via “immodest dress”.

Nowadays, I think that a Christ-like man should be able to see a woman in the most provocative dress and seductive expression or even in erotic nude porn and not feel lust, but feel sad for her captivity and pain.

And nowadays, I think that girls and women should be able towear a tank top and shorts, or a lovely little evening gown guilt free.  For more on enjoying God’s creation without crossing the line see http://mychainsaregone.org/

Some of my daughters went with me to a “Purity’s Power” seminar by Lisa Bevere on dvd.  She spoke of the “packaging” and had a liberating message against the legalism of hard and fast “clothing rules”.

As I was contemplating this update about how my views have changed since 2004, I also thought of one of my daughters’ favorite books “Redeeming Love”, and how Angel was dressed up like a harlot and paraded in front of a leering crowd, but her modest spirit rose above it and shone with a heavenly glow to that lost crowd.

In “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers, Jonathan escorts Angel and two captive children out of the brothel where the chief pimp had forced her onstage:

“I really must ask, Jonathan.  What were you doing in a place like that?”

He laughed softly and kissed her forehead.  “I don’t really know, my love. . .  It was a strange day, Priss.  Something gnawed at me from noon on.  I couldn’t put my finger on it. . . I simply felt the need to walk. . . I was passing by that place and heard that devil making a speech.  The place was such a ruckus, I went in to hear what he was saying.”

“But why?  You loathe him.”

“I don’t know why.  I just felt compelled.  He was introducing Angel.  It was obscene.  It wasn’t his exact words.  It was his manner, the insinuation.  I can’t explain.  I felt like I was standing in a pagan temple and he was the priest introducing a new temple prostitute.”

“Why didn’t you leave?”

“I thought of it, but every time I did, something told me to wait. Then Angel came out.”

“She is very beautiful,” Priscilla said quietly.

“It wasn’t her beauty that held me, my love.  She was so young, and she walked to the center of that stage with such quiet dignity.  You can’t even imagine it, Priss.  Those men, they were like all the hounds of hell baying at her.  And then she sang.  She was so quiet at first, no one could hear her.  Then the noise died down until the place was silent except for her.”

He felt his throat constrict and tears burned.  “She was singing ‘Rock of Ages'”

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May the Chains of the Sins of the Parents be Broken!

Some formerly QF Mom’s have compiled their apologies to QF Daughters. I am not sure that any of my daughters or sons would identify with those apologies or not? But it reminded me that I wanted to post this here for you? I don’t know if you will remember when I gave this to you or not, but I post it here for you with much love. I do not consider myself among the “formerly QF”. I remained QF in the sense that I had as many children as my body could bear and I have no regrets for that. Each one of you are priceless. (Just pray for Daddy and I to get a second wind so we can be good parents to the younger ones!)

Summer 2004

Dear H, D, J, and K (teens at the time of this writing)

I need to tell you about something that my counseling has turned up because it has affected you too.

I knew my mother was pretty non-functional. She spent the year, just before her pregnancy with me, institutionalized for psychosis. She recovered enough to be back in reality to some extent, but wasn’t nurturing. She is attached to things, not people. Last time we visited, I spent a portion of our “vacation” cleaning her house because the social worker said she can’t get around the clutter with the walker. I snuck 10 garbage bags full of mildewed old clothes, some from when I was a teenager, out the window. She was mad at me cause she knew some things were missing..

As a child, my mom didn’t have friends and I was her best friend and confidante, her emotional crutch. She often cried and it was my responsibility to comfort her. She even shared details of her and my dad’s intimacy problems which were beyond my innocent comprehension.

My mother is so profoundly mentally ill that I could be compassionate.

At S* [missionary candidate interview], the psychologist kept pressing me about whether I had been sexually abused and I said no. Now I know that something in my testing was telling him differently. A week or two later, I was talking to my sister on the phone and she told me that in processing through her own recovery, she was troubled about something. She said she used to feel so sorry for me because Mom was so jealous and hostile when Dad would dress me up and take me out as if I was his date.

I developed early and was often taken for 16 when I was 12. My dad bought me a new, immodest wardrobe, dressed me up with makeup and hairdo and took me on dates. He used to go to his condo in Puerto Rico alone for awhile every year. When I was 13, he took only me (and my wardrobe). I was supposed to be there alone with him for a month. He took me to an R-rated movie with full frontal nudity. I was very uncomfortable because I had never seen any woman except my mother. He had pop fiction novels with sexually explicit passages. As an avid reader, naturally I picked up what was there. I was not very happy or cooperative and somehow I made my dad mad and he sent me home after a week.

When I was 14 my dad shipped me to an all girl’s Catholic boarding school.

When I was 18, he married a 22 year old.

During my teenage years, I dressed immodestly and was molested on dozens of occasions by boys and men groping at my private parts.

I told Sandy about my Dad’s treatment and said, “But he never DID anything”. She said, looking a bit angry, “He DID do something.” What my mother and father each did to me is a form of emotional abuse which profoundly affected me.

I immediately realized how it has influenced me with my teens. I wounded all of you by expressing hatred for teenagers. I am so sorry. Please forgive me. I love all of you and regret wounding you. It was my own teenage experience for which I was expressing hatred.

Because my boundaries were violated by others, I felt an overwhelming burden to protect you and was exceedingly harsh and controlling when it came to boundary issues.

I have been so intense and harsh about modesty (right standards but bad delivery). I have ranted and raved about R-rated movies. If it had been up to me, we never would have had them in the house. I am still very uncomfortable about it so I struggle, fight, and yell when R-movies are present. I think my behavior may have affected Joanne the most because she is considered “hot” and took an interest in boys so early. I am NOT sorry for setting boundaries which protect you, it would be a failure on my part not to set boundaries. But I have done so in a harsh, angry way and I am so sorry. Because I was so hurt by boys and men as a teen, I think I have subconsciously viewed any boy who approaches Joanne as a threat. For this reason I have failed to embrace Rob and make him feel welcome.

For all of this and whatever other negative impact this may have had on you, I am sorry. And I pray that you will be able to forgive me and not carry hurt in your spirits. May the chains of the sins of the parents be broken!

Much Love,

Mom

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“To the Overcomers” (lyrics)

To the Overcomers
I know your deeds, I’ve seen your service
I recognize the reputation of your lives
But I know you live near Satan’s shadow
And I have seen your faithful struggles to survive

And to the one who overcomes I’ll give the manna
He’ll have a pure white stone with his own secret name
She will possess the morning star in all its splendor
All this and more for them because they overcame
All this and more for them because they overcame

So just hold on, do not grow weary
For I am He who searches hearts and minds
Behold I’m standing at the door and I am knocking
And the one who hears and opens it will find

That the one who overcomes will rule the nations
On the throne he’ll sit beside me dressed in white
She will become a column in God’s holy temple
They will all eat freely from the Tree of Life
They will all eat freely from the Tree of Life

The overcomers come to understand
That they are precious poems printed
In the palms of His hands

And to the one who overcomes I’ll give the manna
He’ll have a pure white stone with his own secret name
She will possess the morning star in all its splendor
All this and more for them because they overcame

And to the one who overcomes I’ll give the manna
He’ll have a pure white stone with his own secret name
She will possess the morning star in all its splendor
All this and more for them because they overcame
All this and more for them because they overcame
All this and more for them because they overcame

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“overcome”- greek word study

Rom 12:21 “Be not overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

overcome– nikao (link to Blue Letter Bible- every occurance of the word)

AV — overcome 24, conquer 2, prevail 1, get the victory 1

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God made me female and God loves me female!

I read a moving post yesterday on Molly’s blog. She links to a place with post after post of Christian women accepting as a matter of fact that their very femaleness renders them less capable

“these women… share that their femaleness makes them more emotional, more inclined toward error, etc.”

I used to be right there with those women agreeing with the lies. Underlying my self-rejection and self-deprecation -deep down inside- I really believed that God loves His sons more than His daughters, that He prefers sons… There were even some scriptures which I thought “confirmed” that. Really, that is a LIE right from the pit of hell. And I honesty wonder how many women AND men -deep down inside- (behind the denial and the protestation) believe that to be a woman is inferior and less desirable than to be a man.

1 Peter 3 refers to woman as “the weaker vessel”.
This is not a defect,
but by God’s design and intentional on God’s part.
Self rejection and self hatred is sin.
God made me female and God loves me female!
HE rejoices over me with singing
I am HIS beloved
Zephaniah 3:17 “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”

(see also Is God punishing women for what He Himself made them—because they are women, not men?

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Love

from Suzanne’s Bookshelf

1 Cor. 13

If with the tongues of humans,
I talk, and even of angels –
but love, I have not,
I am become a timbring gong
or a tinkling cymbal.

And if I have prophesy
and fathom all mysteries
and all knowledge
and if I have faith
to remove mountains

But do not have love

I am nothing.

And if I give away all my belongings
And surrender my body to suffering
for the sake of self glory

But do not have love

I gain nothing.

Love is generosity of spirit
Love is acts of kindness. Kindness in deed is love.

It does not envy

Love

does not brag
does not puff up
does not act shamefully
does not seek self
does not get irritated
does not find fault

does not delight at injustice
but rejoices along with truth

always sustains
always trusts
always hopes
always supports

love

never fails.

Whether prophesies, they will be left aside
or tongues they will end
or knowledge it will be left aside.

For in part we know
and in part we prophesy
but when that which is complete comes the end comes
that which is in part will be left aside.

When I was a child
I talked like a child
I thought like a child
I argued like a child

But when I became an adult
The things of a child I left aside.

Now we see
through the looking glass
in riddles
but then face to face.

Now we know in part
But then we will know
Even as we are known.

As so remain faith, hope and love,
these three things
but the greatest of these

is

love.

I translated this some time last summer and Kurk has posted it alongside the Greek for Valentine’s day. It was an exercise to demonstrate a translation which maintained a fair degree of formal equivalence, certainly more than any of the published translations IMO. It is intended to maintain a consistent literary style and reveal some of the word play derived from this chapter. (I forget if this is where Lewis Carrol got the title for his second Alice book.)

I have been posting here over the last few days

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Characteristics of a proud unbroken spirit as compared to a humble broken spirit

This is a handout received at a missions class at Elim Bible
Quote:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Characteristics of a proud unbroken spirit as compared to a humble broken spirit.

1. Proud people focus on the failures of others. Broken people are overwhelmed with the sense of their own spiritual need .

2. Proud people are self-righteous- have a critical, fault-finding spirit looking at everyone else’s faults with a microscopebut their own with a telescope. They look down on others. Broken people are compassionate. They can forgive much because they know how much they have been forgiven. They think the best of others and esteem all others better themselves.

3. Proud people have an independent, self-sufficient spirit. Broken people have a dependent spirit and recognize their need for others .

4. Proud people have to prove that they are right. Broken people are willing to yield the right to be right.

5. Proud people claim rights and have demanding spirit . Broken people yield their rights and have a meek spirit.

6. Proud people are self-protective of their time and their rights and their reputation.
Broken people are self-denying.

7. Proud people desire to be served. Broken people are motivated to serve others.

8. Proud people desire to be a success. Broken people are motivated to be faithful and make others successful.

9. Proud people desire for self-advancement. Broken people desire to promote others .

10. Proud people have a drive to be recognized and appreciated and are wounded when others are promoted and they are overlooked. Broken people have a sense of their own unworthiness and are thrilled that God would use them at all in any ministry, they are eager to give others the credit and they rejoice when others are lifted up .

11. Proud people have a sub conscious feeling this ministry is privileged to have me and my gifts and they think of what they can do for God. Broken people have a heart attitude that says I don’t deserve to have any part in this ministry and they have nothing to offer to God, but the life of Jesus flowing through their broken lives.

12. Proud people feel confident in how much they know. Broken people are humbled by how very much they have to learn.

13. Proud people are self conscious. Broken people are not concerned with self at all.

14. Proud people keep others at arms length. Broken people are willing to risk getting close to others and loving intimately.

15. Proud people are quick to blame others. Broken people accept personal responsibility and can see where they were wrong in a situation.

16. Proud people are unapproachable. Broken people are easy to be entreated.

17. Proud people are defensive when criticized. Broken people receive criticism with an open, humble Spirit.

18. Proud people are concerned with being respectable and what others think and working to protect their own image and reputation. Broken people are concerned with being real what they care about is what God knows and are willing to die to their own reputation.

19. Proud people find it difficult to share their spiritual needs with others. Broken people are willing to be open and transparent with others as God directs.

20. Proud people want to be sure that no one knows they have sinned to cover up. Broken people are willing to be exposed because they have nothing to lose.

21. Proud people have a hard time In saying, “I was wrong, will you forgive me.”
Broken people are quick to admit their failures and seek forgiveness when necessary.

22. Proud people in confessing their sins, tend to deal in generalities. Broken people are able to deal with the specific conviction of God’s spirit.

23. Proud people fear consequences of their sin. Broken people are grieved over the cause the root of their sin.

24. Proud people are remorseful they got found out. Broken people are repentant over their sin which is evidenced by the fact they forsake them

25. Proud people when misunderstood in relationships, wait for the other one to come and ask for forgiveness. Broken people take the initiative to see if they can get to the Cross first no matter how wrong the other may have been.

26. Proud people compare themselves with others and feel worthy of honor. Broken people compare themselves with the holiness of God and feel a desperate need for mercy.

27. Proud people are blind to their real heart condition. Broken people walk in the light

28. Proud people think they have nothing to be repentant of. Broken people realize that they have a need of a continual heart attitude of repentance.

29. Proud people are unbroken and don’t think they need revival, but they are sure everyone else does. Broken people continually sense their need for a fresh encounter with God for a fresh filling of His Holy Spirit.
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Become as little children…

Foundational to the recovery of our spiritual inheritance in Christ is that we “become as little children” (Matt 18:3). My children are equally valuable, equally loved, equally respected, and equally heard. God has chosen to adopt us to be co-heirs with Christ and to be conformed to HIS image “that He might be the firstborn among many brethren” Rom 8

Eph 1:18-2:6 talks about “the riches of His glorious inheritance” and goes on to describe how we are (RIGHT NOW-see Eph 2:6) seated with Christ “far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.” (see Eph 1:21).

Doesn’t that mean that God intends for us to be dwelling above earthly “power struggles”? I believe it does, and I believe He will empower me to do that as I become like a little child with HIM, trust HIM completely, and walk hand in hand with HIM throughout each day.

One of the promises for overcomers is: “To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne.” Rev. 3:21
That strikes me as intimacy. I can sit in His lap… “as a little child”.

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